“This sky where we live is no place to lose your wings so love, love, love.” ~ Hafiz
What stirs inside you when you see that word? For such a small word, it holds unparalleled impact! People sing about it, pray for it, fight wars over it, long for it, and, when it is missing, weep unabashedly for it.
LOVE is the most used word in the English language.
Because we are hard-wired for it.
Our brains are wired for attunement. For connection. For LOVE.
Unlike reptiles, when we enter this world, our brains are wired to develop IN relationship.
Our brains do not develop properly if we do not have nurturing.
And now… the research is in to support this. Many of us know that this hard-wiring for connection applies to children and parenting.
The very thing that John Bowlby (the father of attachment theory) knew in the 1950’s, is what we now know through many studies. And that is this:
The hard-wired survival code for connection & love, is not just a sweet and sentimental idea…but actually a legitimate NEED, a need that goes from the cradle to the grave.
In other words…it’s not just children who don’t function well if they don’t feel connected, seen & loved. It’s all of us.
This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a beautiful thing. It means SUCCESS for us humans, on this planet, is not about acquiring, defending, competing. And it’s not about “survival of the fittest”.
The measure of success, if we follow the science – if we take a good look at our neurobiology…is …
We need it to survive.
We need to feel that we have a few special others in our lives who really see us, who really accept us.. treasure us. For some – their few special others are friends, family members, pets, or their relationship to the Earth, Spirit, or God.
And for those in a relationship with a partner, you can bet that the relationship to this survival code for connection… is very much alive.
And so, when you find yourselves in one of those “rough patches” with your spouse or partner, up against some tricky places…and you feel stuck….here are two pieces of GOOD NEWS for you:
1) Challenges in relationships feel intense because when we feel disconnected from our loved ones, that stress we feel … is simply our nervous system doing it’s job.
2) There is now a well-researched map:
A map from disconnection…to connection.
A map from feeling like you and your partner are speaking different languages…to being on the same page.
A map from conflict…to communication.
A map from numbing and loneliness…to LOVE.
When we work together, I help you ally with one another by looking at relationship patterns and problems together, rather than seeing yourself, or the other, as the problem.
As a Certified EFT for Couples therapist with over a decade of clinical experience, I have extensive expertise in one of the most researched and highly effective relationship counselling approaches in the world: Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Our work together is based on a well-researched understanding of the needs of adults in romantic/love relationships, This work is experiential, which means that, while we certainly take a thoughtful look at your current dynamic, the bulk of the sessions you are invited to connect to your emotional EXPERIENCE, where you will be supported to befriend your emotional state, in connection with your partner. This is where the genuine change happens, not in “the head”, but through experience. New ways of seeing and being can be accessed, and then integrated into your life in a REAL and SUSTAINABLE way.
Couples Counselling with Sarah :
- Pre-requisite reading alongside counselling is: Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson (available at most libraries, second-hand bookstores or on amazon at this link.)
- Highly recommended alongside counselling: Hold Me Tight Online Course, available at this link.
- We start with two 75 minute sessions.
- More in-depth and ongoing couple counselling is available, by approval.
“As a therapist, Sarah has a very refined sense of empathy and is able to create the safety that all of us need to face our issues and move into change. Sarah’s ability to see people’s strengths helps them find these strengths in themselves.” – Dr. Sue Johnson, Phd, co-founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, and author of Hold Me Tight & Love Sense.
For more information please contact me here to arrange a session.
For information on marital preparedness counselling and services for wedding packages, or vow renewal ceremonies, please click here