INITIATION into MOTHERHOOD

Nikki McClure artist

Before I became a mother I was relatively certain I had done the bulk of my personal growth work.

Grin.

I mean, ok…. I knew we are never really ‘done’ with our inner work, and I was quite familiar with the theory that our own children bump up against our “stuff”…but some part of me felt ever so sure that those would be like little speed-bumps on what felt like a pretty smooth and solid road I had been tending to for some time.

Right? Because, I had participated so fully in all those wonderful and inspiring workshops, done a lot of therapy (as a client), and had been practicing therapy (as the therapist) for a good number of years.

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Plus, I was a long-time meditator. The ground had been laid…

You know where I’m going here, I’m sure.

Oh, and of course I was “prepared” to some degree for the sleep deprivation. Soon-to-be moms are warned over and over: “Catch up on your sleep now, because you won’t get it later!”

What I wasn’t prepared for though, was the amount of doubt I would have inside me. The insecurity I would feel about how I was doing as a mom. And, despite historically having a pretty solid handle on how to navigate through the territory of anxiety, I was really not prepared for the levels of worry that on some days felt like it enveloped my body from head to toe.

My perfectionist demons reared their heads, as did a fear that I was going to screw up this brand new, innocent little being.

After the intensity of the first number of months, in the midst of some grounding moments, I was able to frame it like this:

I was stepping into one of the biggest initiations of my life.

It took me awhile, as the shock of it thawed, to see that what I had experienced in those early months was NORMAL. Not just the exhaustion, but also the worry, the doubt, the vulnerability, and deep need for acceptance I felt day after day.

In the midst of those early days, we mamas deserve a safe and supportive space to connect with ourselves. Connect…with other good-hearted humans. Connect…to our own tender hearts as well as the new parts of ourselves that are being birthed. In a way that is completely honouring of exactly where we are at, and completely honouring of the depth of wisdom that lives in each of us.

I personally had no idea I would have that much internal doubt and tender vulnerability the early days. It was a humbling experience to recognize how much I genuinely and legitimately needed other people to encircle me with support and love, and…to believe in me.

The job of parenting was never meant to be done in isolation. And yet, more and more, I hear moms and dads speak of how lonely the job sometimes feels. How hard it feels. 

I have deep compassion for this. There is such pressure on parents these days to do it all SO WELL.

The truth is, we CAN do it well…and the process of shifting overwhelm into a sustainable sense of ease, begins with opening to our right to support. We all, as humans, and especially as parents, deserve a safe and supportive space to feel, and to be seen.

If you or someone you know is a mama, and is interested in learning more, please contact me here  for more info.